shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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