Please, let me fuck your mom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
