It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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