literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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