Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
