I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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