We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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