it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
