I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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