very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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