this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
