Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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