so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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