Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
