Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk is a universal language darling
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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