i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
