I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
