Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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