I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
