We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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