I need help removing her.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
