i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never underestimate the power of titties
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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