strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
