Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
