david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Pooping to opera.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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