I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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