that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
