she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
