bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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