this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
