pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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