I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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