meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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