I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
