Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
