we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am naked and annoyed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
