When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
