he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
