We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
