his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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