She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
