Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i've created a new STD.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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