note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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