I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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