Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
