Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
