its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
