Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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