you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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