Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
